Parenting: Mission Impossible

From The Christian Reader:

Parenting: Mission Impossible


by Robert Andrews



Some consider parenting from a Christian perspective in the 21st century, in light of the society in which we live, to be an impossible task. The Christian consensus in the culture of two generations ago is now practically nonexistent. Temptations abound at every turn, and the nation’s leaders in nearly every field have abandoned the Christian worldview that prevailed in our country for a humanistic one. What hope do parents have to successfully navigate this treacherous mine-field to reach the goal of raising young men and women who invest their lives for the kingdom of God? I think a very good chance, IF they understand some key ideas. Their chances go down dramatically if they do not. But what are those ideas?



In Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians, he said that he determined to “not know anything among [them] except Jesus Christ and Him crucified” (1 Corinthians 2:2). He then proceeded to address in his letter a myriad of specific church issues: i.e., sexual immorality, eating meat offered to idols, taking a brother to court, drunkenness at communion, head covering in church, etc. But he saw all these issues, indeed everything in life, through the lens of the cross. I believe parenting is another crucial issue that must be viewed through the lens of the cross as well, just as were the subjects addressed by Paul in 1 Corinthians. Hence, I want to introduce to you the concept of gospel parenting, which is nothing more than parenting based on the cross of Jesus Christ.



There are several gospel truths that we must have clearly in mind as we set out to accomplish our “mission impossible”—successfully bringing up our children in “the training and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4).



Understanding yourself as a parent





1. You are a sinner – In the midst of all the pressures that parents face and all the demands that fall upon young parents I hope you have already discovered that yes, indeed, YOU are a sinner—not just theoretically or theologically, but a real live, down and dirty sinner in everyday situations. Listen to Paul describe your condition:



There is none righteous, no, not one: There is none that understandeth, there is none that seeketh after God. They are all gone out of the way, they are together become unprofitable; there is none that doeth good, no, not one. Their throat is an open sepulchre; with their tongues they have used deceit; the poison of asps is under their lips: Whose mouth is full of cursing and bitterness: Their feet are swift to shed blood: Destruction and misery are in their ways: And the way of peace have they not known: There is no fear of God before their eyes. (Romans 3:10-18)



Two other verses that corroborate this to be our condition are:



“The heart is deceitful and desperately wicked, who can know it?” (Jeremiah 17:9)



“The thoughts and intents of man’s heart are only evil continually.” (Genesis 6:5)



These verses describe perfectly what lies buried deep within our hearts, and will remain there until we shed this body of sin, this body of corruption, what Paul calls the flesh. That sin manifests itself in one of two ways: either a rebel or a Pharisee. In other words, either willfully breaking the law of God, or as more often with a serious Christian, proudly congratulating ourselves on how wonderfully we keep it; but both are equally sinful.



For example, I find myself constantly judging those around me, thinking that I know better than they do what they should do in a certain situation. Rather than bless those who curse me, as Jesus says I should do, I secretly harbor animosity toward them in my heart, thereby murdering them, according to Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount. I lose my temper, try to evade responsibility, always looking for someone else to blame. I am pushy, controlling, love to be a victim or a martyr and always initially resist repenting when God shows me my sin. When my children were young, I was also sickeningly self-righteous as a parent, comparing my children with those of the other parents in our church, and of course always smugly finding my job of parenting to be far superior. Incredible, and this after 50 years as a serious Christian!



These same sins are buried in the hearts of all Adam’s descendants, though many do not yet recognize it. As a parent, there are countless opportunities for you to discover that total depravity is more than a theological idea. It is a reality.



2. You are righteous – However, in the midst of that sin, if you have been born again, God has declared you to be righteous with the righteousness of the very life that Jesus lived in Palestine 2000 years ago. That righteousness is only by faith; it is never based on anything you do or don’t do. “For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him” (2 Corinthians 5:21).



As Martin Luther said so well, “We are simultaneously saint and sinner.” As parents, we must hold diligently to both. If we forget that we are depraved sinners, self-righteous Phariseeism will be the result, and our children will see right through us. When we are always right and never acknowledge our wrongdoing and never repent openly of sin, we are fooling no one, certainly not our children. We will eventually lose credibility with them. They see us far more clearly than we see ourselves.



However, if we forget that we are righteous, completely acceptable to a God who loves us unconditionally, and that He is pleased with us—not just eternally, but right now—the depression and discouragement that inevitably comes with parenting will overwhelm us, and we will want to quit. We must never lose sight of who we are—simultaneously saint and sinner.



3. You carry the authority of God in the lives of your children - The third truth we must remember about ourselves is that God has delegated to His children—these people who are simultaneously saints and sinners—absolute authority in the lives of our children to bring them up (train them) in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. They must learn to obey us and honor us; not for your sake, but for theirs.



Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER,” which is the first commandment with promise: “THAT IT MAY BE WELL WITH YOU AND YOU MAY LIVE LONG ON THE EARTH.” And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:1-4)



You represent God to them, and as they learn to obey you, they will very naturally learn to obey God. They must learn to be earnest followers of their parents in this generation before they can become leaders who follow God in the next.



Do you see yourself as ruling over your children with authority from God, ruling as Jesus ruled, with firmness, direction, involvement and compassion, laying down your life for them as His representative? This kind of rule in their lives will prepare them to rule in the next generation.



Your job is not to try to get your children to be born again, as we have seen in a previous article, but to use the law of God to train them in their relationships in the world, to build character into their lives, and to keep them under guard (Gal 3:25), until God one day brings them to genuine, life-changing faith. You have been given the authority directly from the throne of God to do that.