Following The Job Description

From The Christian Reader:

Following the Job Description


by Robert Andrews



All of us have experienced the apprehension that accompanies the first day on a new job. What am I supposed to do? Can I do what is expected of me? Every job begins with these questions. However, after we have been on the job for a few days most of us realize that our fears were unfounded. We settle in and begin to understand that with the proper training we can do it! I began every new job I ever had in exactly this way.



The job of parenting, given by God to all who have children, is no exception. What is my job description? Can I be successful at what God is asking me to do?



Know for sure that God makes no mistakes. Because He sent you children He knows you can be a successful parent and He has not left you in the dark as to exactly how you are to go about your job. However, in order to be successful, it is important that you are willing to be a learner.



Being a learner has always been difficult for me. I love to be the teacher, the one who knows, but I am seldom as eager to be the learner. I find myself competing with other preachers in my mind, congratulating myself on knowing more or communicating better than they do. To place myself beneath them to learn is very, very difficult for me to do, and then to let them know I have learned from them is practically impossible!



In a previous article we discussed the initial prerequisite for the parenting task, as modeled by Abraham, Isaac, Jacob and David, i.e. not to be a perfect parent, but a repentant one. One who knows he is needy, as all fathers and mothers are! Now, are you willing to be learner? In this article I want to look at several items in your parental job description.





God’s Job





When we begin our task as parents we are often fuzzy as to exactly what our job description is, and, as a result, we often find ourselves trying to do what God has not asked us to do. As a matter of fact, without a clear understanding of our task we find ourselves innocently encroaching on the job that God has reserved exclusively for Himself—the job of bringing our children into spiritual life.



“But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name: Which were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God.” (John 1:12-13)





These two verses tell us how our children are spiritually regenerated or born again. It is neither because they are born into a Christian family (“not of blood”), nor is it by living an obedient, good life (“nor of the will of the flesh”), nor is it because they decided to “ask Jesus to come into their lives” (“nor of the will of man”). Though all three of these things may be true, they do not cause the new birth to occur. Spiritual regeneration is shrouded in mystery (“Do not marvel that I said to you, ‘You must be born again.’ The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit.”). The new birth occurs only because God in His sovereignty decides to capture your child’s heart.



This is very important for parents to understand because much energy is often expended in trying to be sure our children have a meaningful relationship with the Lord. We have them pray regularly, read their Bibles consistently and then, at the first opportunity, lead them in the sinner’s prayer. These are all wonderful, meaningful activities that can be very profitable to acquire information about God and to build good character habits into your child’s life, but they are not, as John 1:12-13 teaches, a means to the new birth. Our child’s relationship with God is based exclusively on the faith that He alone, in His own time and in His own way, puts in their hearts as a free gift (Ephesians 2:8-9). It is a relief when worried parents understand that God is not holding us accountable to make this happen.



Years ago when I taught my Family Living course in a Christian high school in Seattle, one of the students was the son of a local pastor. As is often the case, he was one of the most unruly boys in the school. Every summer his church youth group had a retreat, always bringing in a dynamic, well-know youth leader as the featured speaker. Every summer this young man would make a tearful, new profession of faith, and every year his testimony was “this time I really mean business.” His new faith would last for the first few days of school, and then, every year, it was back to “business as usual” in this young man’s life. I watched as his father neglected the job God had given him to do, always looking ahead to the next summer retreat in the hopes that his son would be fine if “I can just get him genuinely born again.”



At last report, this young man, now in his mid-thirties, continues on the same undisciplined, rebellious path he walked in high school. That is not necessary for any child. Even though he may not yet be born again, if we as parents know our job description and then, conscientiously, by the grace of God, determine to follow it.



Our Job



What then is our job as parents if it is not to get our children born again?



I believe there are three main components to our job, regardless of what our child’s spiritual condition may be. When God does bring new life, your job will be much easier, but you are ultimately responsible for each of these three aspects of the parenting process. By applying them in the lives of your children they will help to bring them to adulthood as functioning, productive men and women (irrespective of whether they are born again as yet or not), enabling them in turn to be mothers and fathers who know and follow God’s job description for parents.



1.) Controlling your child. This involves bringing your child’s rebellious will in submission to your will as his parent. “Children, obey your parents in all things” (Colossians 3:20) means that you have a divine right to rule in your child’s life. By faithfully using the biblically ordained method of discipline this can be a reality in your home. When you say “come,” he comes; “stop,” he stops, and when you say “go up to your room, put on your pajamas, brush your teeth, and I’ll be up to pray with you and love you goodnight,” he does so at the first command. The authority to demand this submission of your child’s will to yours flows to you directly from the throne of God, and the proper way to exercise that authority is clearly spelled out in the Bible. This authority, exercised lovingly and firmly, is what brings your family into the kingdom of God in experience. Until his inherent rebellion has been broken and he has accepted your right to rule in his life, he will not willingly learn from you. Once he has yielded to your God-given authority you are ready to tackle item number 2 in your parental job description.



2.) Teaching your child. Once your child has been brought under control, you can begin to teach him the family character standards you would like his life to reflect. Until his will is brought into submission to yours he will not respect you and therefore will not obey your instructions. For example, when a rebellious four-year-old asks “Why do I have to brush my teeth? I don’t want to do that!” a detailed explanation of the nuances of tooth decay is a waste of time and is counterproductive because the basic issue remains unaddressed. The real issue is not why he should brush his teeth, but his unwillingness to submit to the will of his parent. Once he obeys without resistance, answers are in order, generally when he is much older and genuinely wants to know.



Once rebellion is under control (it is never completely gone from any of us!) your child is ready to learn. What do you teach him? Though any biblical character qualities that are important to you and represent your particular family standards are in order, in the Andrews family we used the acronym READ to outline the four character qualities we emphasized: R – Respect for authority (Colossians 3:20), E – Esteem others better than yourself (Philippians 2:3, 4), A – Admit wrongdoing (1 John 1:7, 9), D – Diligence in all things (2 Peter 1:5). Once a child is brought under control and is ready to learn from you, a strategy can be devised to impart to your child these character qualities.



We have now arrived at the final component of our parental job description. We have looked at the difficult task of controlling our child, based on the method outlined clearly in the Bible and covered carefully in my book, The Family, God’s Weapon for Victory. We have seen that once the child has yielded to your rule in his life, he is ready to learn the biblical character standards you have determined are important for him to learn. A method of building them into his life is covered in the book as well.



However, as carefully and diligently as you might pursue these first two job description components, without the third component, your chances of ultimate success in your parenting task are two: very slim and none.





3.) Nurturing your child. All attempts to control and teach your child must come from a heart of love for him. You must remember that you are ruling in your subset of the kingdom of God (your family) in Christ’s stead, as His representative, with sacrificial, servant leadership, just as He demonstrated when He was on the earth. We call this approach Gospel Parenting: parenting from the gospel of the grace of God as a foundation. Without an experiential understanding of this grace-based approach, all the attempts to control and teach will be fruitless and will not nurture and build him up but will instead produce fear, insecurity, and even rebellion.



Conclusion



The mission of my ministry (Gospel Parenting) is to familiarize parents with their biblical job description (How can you succeed at your job if you don’t know what you are supposed to do?) and then to equip them to accomplish successfully the crucial task God Himself has given them. We have simply touched on several relevant issues in this article to awaken you to your calling and to encourage you that you can be successful. My hope is that you have asked “Now that I see what my job is, how can I do it successfully?” Comprehensive help is available at our website to guide you through the practical implementation of what the Bible says about each of the topics mentioned in this article, among others, affordably and conveniently. This is not interesting, arms-length information, but life changing truth that will change the future for you and your children if you are willing to faithfully apply it.







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Recommended further reading:



Robert Andrews: The Family-God’s Weapon for Victory

R.C. Sproul Jr: Bound for Glory

J.R. Miller: The Family