Bullycide, De-Humanization And De-Valuation: The Gay Teen Tragedy

From Tikkun:

Bullycide, Dehumanization and Devaluation: The Gay Teen Tragedyby: Amanda Udis-Kessler on October 5th, 2010
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Young man at NYC Pride, 2007 (photo by See-ming Lee)

A recent commentary called September 2010 “one of the [most challenging months] in recent memory for the gay community,” pointing to the five suicides (within one week) of young men or boys who had faced unbearable harassment and bullying because they identified as gay or were thought to be so. The stories are horrifying, even more so in light of the tweeted comment of rapper 50 Cent that “the world [would] be a better place” if gay men killed themselves. While it is encouraging that an anti-bullying movement is arising among heterosexual allies, there is no replacing the lives ended, or calling back the deep grief of those who have lost friends and loved ones.



Those of us who care about human flourishing have to be prepared to take a strong stand here. We must understand the relationship between homophobic dehumanization and devaluation and “death by bullying.” It’s not that those of us who mourn these boys and young men are one-issue activists or are part of a “special interest group;” it’s that we refuse to join the bullies in treating such people as less valuable than other people. In 1964, civil rights activist Ella Baker notably said, “Until the killing of black men, black mothers’ sons, becomes as important to the rest of the country as the killing of a white mother’s son” the movement shall not rest; today, we echo her words in decrying racism and sexism and anti-immigrant fervor – and homophobia. All lives must matter to us. Every last one of us is precious, and there is no calculating the cost of a single life ended by bullycide.



To read the stories about the lives and deaths of these boys and young men is to grasp just how devalued they were, just how dehumanized. In gay bullycide cases, verbal or physical violence from peers is often combined with silence or tacit approval from authorities such as teachers or school administrators. Gay blogger Dan Savage is right to speak of “accomplices.” There are many such, from homophobic classmates and parents and administrators and teachers to religious authorities and political leaders and entertainers. If it takes a village to raise a gay child, it takes a society to kill him. Especially once the society gets inside his head and teaches him to devalue himself as much as others devalue him.



Those of us who consider ourselves religious and spiritual progressives have to take responsibility for challenging what former UMC pastor and straight ally Jimmy Creech calls “spiritual violence.” It is not a task specific to homophobia and heterosexism, but because organized religion has so often, and in so many ways, devalued and dehumanized LGBT/queer people, religious and spiritual people need to proactively be part of the solution in as many ways as possible. I don’t think I need to make a list. I think people know what to do if they are thoughtful and make a point of educating themselves. (But if any of you would like me to post my list for straight ally actions, let me know and I’ll do it.)



Writing this blog has, not surprisingly, elicited strongly antigay responses, some of which can be found among the comments following my earlier posts. Such responses come with the job, so to speak, and they do not bother me. But I’ve had years to work on my own internalized homophobia and while it is not gone, it is not in control either. Indeed, those responses simply make me want to work harder for a world in which no one, absolutely no one, is devalued for any reason, and in which no one, absolutely no one, is dehumanized. The sacred within us, however we name it, and even if we do not name it, calls us to work for such a world. I deeply believe that spiritual and religious progressives can come together on this issue, even when we do not agree about all the details of how to bring such a world into being.



Let’s play our role in making bullycide, devaluation and dehumanization a thing of the past. Every death is one too many. Each life lost leaves behind a world a little colder and hearts a little smaller. It is too late to save the boys and young men who killed themselves last month. But it is not too late to save the next generation.